Yesterday, my tears drop on my face. I feel so tired to continue what I should do. I don’t know why everything is messed up. At first I was really excited to get a job as a general manager on magazine project, everyone has a limit on excitement though, including me.
I am in the world where I should learn to be courageous, mature, and wise. It’s completely opposite to myself. I am who is still too childish if compared to my friends in college. My emotion can be up and down, unstably.I lost myself. I lost my mind when I should follow terms and condition living in an organization.
I decide to get out from one of organizations I join. I love the people I love the circumstance, but I lost myself when I join them. I miss me who if there is flowery words in mind she will immediately write them down on a paper. I lost my time to read what I want to read, I lost my time to go to bookshops. But, I want to ask myself, Should people encounter this condition? Lost 2 years to join organization to learn cooperating with people to learn organizing?
I never see the world is too rough to go through. But life seems so hard when I leave everything that seems so fine for me as convenience. Like when I leave you.
Surah Al-Baqara, Verse 177:
لَّيْسَ الْبِرَّ أَن تُوَلُّوا وُجُوهَكُمْ قِبَلَ الْمَشْرِقِ وَالْمَغْرِبِ وَلَٰكِنَّ الْبِرَّ مَنْ آمَنَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَالْمَلَائِكَةِ وَالْكِتَابِ وَالنَّبِيِّينَ وَآتَى الْمَالَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِ ذَوِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينَ وَابْنَ السَّبِيلِ وَالسَّائِلِينَ وَفِي الرِّقَابِ وَأَقَامَ الصَّلَاةَ وَآتَى الزَّكَاةَ وَالْمُوفُونَ بِعَهْدِهِمْ إِذَا عَاهَدُوا وَالصَّابِرِينَ فِي الْبَأْسَاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَحِينَ الْبَأْسِ أُولَٰئِكَ الَّذِينَ صَدَقُوا وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُتَّقُونَ
It is not righteousness that you turn your faces towards the East and the West, but righteousness is this that one should believe in Allah and the last day and the angels and the Book and the prophets, and give away wealth out of love for Him to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and the beggars and for (the emancipation of) the captives, and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate; and the performers of their promise when they make a promise, and the patient in distress and affliction and in time of conflicts — these are they who are true (to themselves) and these are they who guard (against evil).
(English – Shakir)
Through the alleyways
to cool off in the shadows,
then into the street
following the water.
There’s a bearded man
paddling in his canoe,
looks as if he has
come all the way from the Cayman Islands.These canals, it seems,
they all go in circles,
places look the same,
and we’re the only difference.
The wind is in your hair,
it’s covering my view.
I’m holding on to you,
on a bike we’ve hired until tomorrow.If only they could see,
if only they had been here,
they would understand,
how someone could have chosen to go the length I’ve gone,
to spend just one day riding.
Holding on to you,
I never thought it would be this clear.
(King of Convenienve- Cayman Island)
I have posted it before and I don’t imagine if this lyrics coming true. On January I went to Turkey for attending 1 month AIESEC internship. I satistified with this experience because I also got a traveling opportunity. What being more interesting and fascinating is I could go traveling with my (literally) ‘bestfriend’. Since he is the best partner for me in doing any activities, I chose him to accompany me during my traveling time. We never imagined it! We went skiing together, spent time in a park, walked along Aegean seaside. It’s never written in my dream and his dream. Yet, sometimes when recalling those memories, I keep asking and answering myself, “Was it real? I don’t think so.”
I never thought it would this clear.
Why life is such a precious thing? But in the other time, why life is such a thing that we are impatiently craving for being end? While life becomes hatred and love, we’ll find that life is actually a conundrum which we need to find the solution through many path where we never know the map.
Step by step we need to walk upon the way that we have choosed in our life. As we were guileless toddler, the time for us to be taught by our parents to walk and to choose. As we were a crafty teenager, the time for us to try every single thing around us. As we were a mature adult, the time for us to take every single risk.
But why we have to do it? And why God gives me a life?
If only they could see
If only they had been here
They would understand
How someone could have chosen
To go the length I’ve gone
To spend just one day riding
Holding on to you
I never thought it would be this clear
(King of Convenienve- Cayman Island)
Why I write some parts of KOC’s lyrics? I don’t really know though. Yet, it could exactly represent my days which is closer to the SAT test date. I decided to have SAT test because I have choosed a place where I want to struggle with in my college life next. Need a long consideration to make sure I surely want that place in fact of it has been far away from home, even more than 5000 miles. Day by day, it takes me to the plausible, it’s like my mind quietly whisper on my ear, “It’s the right place for you.” even not a hundred-percent sure for it. Along my days I become more sure and more and more. And now I am waiting the remaining percentage to fulfill the a hundred-percent flask.
As I wrote in the last posting “Dispassionate”, if I let this feeling conquer me, it will aggravate my life quality. And that’s true, during this morning I had been doing nothing and had been thinking anything that’s useless. I never want to keep this one happening, so I decided In the noon, I try to wake my self up and go into my desk. I turn my laptop on, then open a browser. Then, I start to open Youtube, one of my favourite sites, here I open one video that for me is really inspiring me, it helps me to eradicate this Dispassionate feeling.
[link1] [link2] –> these are the links.
But, I’m sorry because this video is in Indonesian not in English even there’re some parts the speakers speak in English.This video tells us about a 18th years old-girl from Indonesia. Her name is Maudy Ayunda. I have admired her since I watch a movie “Perahu Kertas”, then afterwhile found herself as a speaker in the Post 2015 Regional Conference in Bali. That’s amazing, she’s very multi-talented (instead of an actress, a singer, she also concerns about humanity *envysomuch*). This video reveals about her passion and her dream, and also what have she done until she achieve many prestigious things.
Why she deserve to be multi-talented so far? She answered that it is beause of her curiousity. She learned anything she curious about. Beside her curiousity, she is a perfectionist, sometimes a perfectionist is not so good though, Yet for his one, I see that a perfectionist will be very useful for people who have a high level of curiousity,
Same with me, I have a high level of curiousity, but I have achieved nothing yet. What distinguish us is about the perfectionist personality. Her perfectionist have been made herself achieve a success for the thing that she curious. I think it should be attemped in me. Thank you for Maudy Ayunda, you have been inspiring me and others! Keep it up, someday we’ll meet in a humanity conference. >,<